So for the past year or so that I’ve been working her at my current job, I befriended a woman, we’ll call her Sharon. She’s extremely nice and we get along famously. She’s a chunky woman, who is from Panana so she’s got that dark skin. She’s forever telling me how fat she is and how she’s losing weight (which I have yet to see but that’s neither here nor there), anyway she’s going to school to get her degree and she’s got this major crush on one of her old professors.
I don’t know his name, don’t know what he looks like, but I could tell you he’s got the prettiest blues eyes and the deepest voice that could make you shiver, he’s got dark hair that accentuate his beautiful crystal blue eyes, I can tell you that he’s a CEO for a non profit organization that specializes is tax numbers or whatever, I can also tell you that on his birthday last year, 8, count them with me 1 2 3 8 different female students brought him a cake to his evening class, and all 8 of those women, you wanna count that again? All 8 of those women were mighty embarrassed, but dutifully fed his class that was in session, he took my friend’s cake home with him….she felt blessed, because he wouldn’t let anyone touch that cake, so he took it home, I thought that was sweet.
I could go on and on about this man, beacuse even though he knows NOTHING about me, I know ALL about him. We call him the British Professor, because he’s British. So, after a year of hearing so much about him, it was funny to actually talk to him.
Let me explain how it happened.
Yesterday, Sharon and I went to the mall after work. She had to pick up some stuff and asked me to go with, so I did, thinking I can just pick up another gift for Jess while we were there. So, Sharon is shopping but while we’re perusing the shoe shelves at Leeds (a shoestore in the mall), she decides she has to go to the bathroom, so she hands me her purse to hold and she goes off to the bathroom, which is just across the way, now through the window I can see that tere’s a long line for the bathroom, so I continue shoe shopping. I’m trying on these shoes when her phone, which is inside her purse, starts ringing.
So like the nosy friend that I am, I start digging around for her phone, the phone stops ringing before I can find it, but that doesn’t stop me from digging in her purse to see her Missed call. So, there I was checking her missed call to see if it was someone I knew when the phone starts ringing again, and without thinking I picked up.
“Hello, Sharon’s phone?” I say into the phone.
“Um, Sharon?” came a sexy accented voice on the other side.
“No, this is her friend from work. Sharon’s away from her phone right now, can I take a message?”
“Michelle, is that you? You naughty girl, what are you guys up to?” the voice says, making my insides tingle with his sexy British accent, (I’m telling you, accents can make my panties melt)
“I’m sorry, this isn’t Michelle. I’m Dylan, I work with Sharon,” I say.
A pause and then a chuckle (a very sexy chuckle I might add), and then, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Sharon talk about you before, why is that?”
“Oh well, I don’t know, but who are you?”
He says his name, but his accent is so thick, his name was lost on me. Suffice to say, it’s the British Professor.
“I was just returning Sharon’s call, that’s all, so Dylan, I can’t help but notice you’ve got a very cute American accent,”
I laugh hysterically at this one. “Oh yeah, I’m sure my cold infested voice sounds uber sexy, nothing like some spit stuck in your throat to do that,”
Some more sexy laughing on the other side.
“So you’re from Sharon’s work, huh? The place where everyone is mean to her?”
A mock sigh on my part. “Yes, the same place. I’ve befriended her so her world is whole at work now. And since I have become her friend, I have lost other friends, but it’s okay, because it’s their loss.”
“Exactly. So when is Sharon going to bring you to school with her, so I can meet you, Dylan?”
A pause on my side. Oh boy.
“Oh, I’m not sure that’s in the cards for me, Mr. To Die for Accent. Don’t tell Sharon this, but she has a major crush on you and we’re friends, so I think it’s best that we don’t meet.”
“But Sharon was one of my students, we can’t date. Do you go to school here?”
“Oh no, I’m not in school at the moment, just working and being a mom,”
“How old are you Dylan?”
“What are you doing Friday night? A bunch of us always go to a dinner and maybe a movie, I’d love to meet you if you can swing it.”
“Oh I can’t on Friday, my best friends birthday bash is that night, so I’ll be out with that,”
“Oh well then we’ll have to figure another way for us to meet,”
“Oh I don’t think so, as sexy as you sound, I couldn’t do that to Sharon, I’m sorry, look Sharon’s coming over, do you want to speak to her?”
“Not really, I’d much rather speak to you, Sharon and I are friends, nothing more, she knows that and I’m sure you know that, so about that meet up…”
By now, I’m laughing like a loon, this guy just won’t take no for an answer, but oh gosh he was sounding pretty damn good, no wonder Sharon had it bad for this guy.
“I’m sorry, gotta run, it was nice talking to you but here is Sharon,” I say.
His sexy voice gets loud, making sure I don’t give up the phone so quick, he says, “So I guess, I’m not going to get that invite to your best friends birthday bash then, huh?”
I laugh again and say, “I’m sorry,” then I hand the phone over to Sharon, who is looking at me like I’ve grown horns. She mouths to me, Who is it?
I tell her it’s the Professor and her face instantly brightens. I feel a bit bad because I shouldn’t have had the thoughts I did about her man, who isn’t her man at all, just someone she has a crush on, but still. I don’t know what he said or whatever, because today when I came into work, she’s not talking to me, she cancelled our lunch plans and she isn’t picking up my calls, did I do something wrong?
I didn’t think so.
Now I’m not so sure.