My Family Is Driving Me Insane: Reason #5.

6 07 2006


The little shit.

I swear, I do love this little guy, seriously I do but sometimes I wonder WHY I love this little shit.

You see, I have a nephew named Chase. He’s 3 years old and is extremely smart, not to mention a total cutie. That’s him pictured on the left, this past Halloween. I can’t find a regular picture of him on this computer, so that picture will have to suffice for the moment.

So anyway, lately the boy does nothing but get on my hot damn flippin’ nerves. Why, you ask?

Let me count the ways…

1. Last week, Friday I stayed home from work because there was no one to watch the kids so I thought I’d be nice and take the kids out and you know, take them to the park, grab some lunch at McDonald’s bribe them to be good and what not, right? Yeah effing right.

Before we were scheduled to leave, Chase was playing Halo 2 on X Box, this is a video game that he excels at, he can seriously kick my ass in this game, he can find me wherever I’m hiding at and blow my ass to pieces, all the while laughing at me, I’m effing 25, the little boy is frickin’ 3. THREE YEARS OLD, how he knows and is so good at a killing game, is totally beyond me but whatever.

So Chase is standing in front of the TV in the Sun Room, playing Halo 2 by himself and I’m sitting across from him, waiting for Brenna and Makenna to get out of the shower and get dressed, Chase is already dressed so we were just waiting for the girls before heading out to the park. I’m reading some book, I forget which one, when I see Chase set the controller on top of the chair he was standing by and then he unzipped his pants, pulled his little pecker out and picked up the controller again and while his eyes are glued to the video game, he begins to piss…on…the…fucking…floor.

For less than half a second, I gaped at him, not really believing that the little shit is really pissing on the floor while he’s playing his video game, but sure enough, there he is, pissing on the damn floor, all the while killing the little shits on the game.

What the hell?

Who does this? Fucking Chase, that’s who. After I done thrashed his ass for doing it and then made him clean it up and put the game away, scolding him, telling him he’s grounded from X Box for a month, we all get into the car and head to 7-11, that’s when I got the call from my brother, where he was yelling at me about uploading all those fruity songs on his Ipod, from this post.

After I hung up with Holly, whom I called directly after receiving the yell call from the brother, I look around and the kids are picking out whatever it is they want from the place and Chase, the little shit, (This is #2) is staring at a woman’s chest, the woman was wearing one of those revealing tops that leave little to the imagination? Well, she was wearing one of those and my 3 year old nephew is staring down her top…I swear, they start young, don’t they? You could totally tell the woman felt uncomfortable to be getting checked out by a 3 year old but whatever…and that’s not it, we get to the park and the little shit is running around the parking lot, poking all of the girls in the ass.

All you hear is, “Poked your butt” while he laughs, all the while running away from each girl. Mind you, these are random girls at the park, not the girls we came with. I was so embarrassed because I thought one of the mothers was going to come and yell at me and even though I’m pretty sure I could’ve taken her, it WAS my kids fault, not hers. I would’ve been pissed if some random boy was doing that to MY daughter but still, frickin’ Chase. (That was #3)

So then a couple of days ago, we had a family picnic thing at another park and the kids are all playing and what not and then ALL of the kids come running out of the park, kicking and screaming, why you ask? Because #4, Chase is peeing on the slide. So now, we’re all watching his piss slide down the slide, but since we can’t see him, (he’s blocked by the little slide thingy at the top), we’re all just staring at the slide and then we hear him laughing, “Haha, you can’t slide down now”

I swear, the kid is completely without sense.

And now for the kicker…yesterday he was riding his scooter out in front of the house, I kept telling him to put his helmet on because he was going to get hurt, he FLIPPED ME OFF (I swear the shit my brothers teach him, it’s abominable) and because he had to let go of the handle bars to flip me the bird, he ran into the tree and knocked himself into next week, he was screaming so loud and crying and now he has a big ass knot on his head…

Serves him right, the little punk.

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