Dear Wena’s Co Workers,

10 01 2007

I really like working with you guys, really I do but there are just some of you that ride my frickin’ nerves to the point where I want to poke your eyes out and then dig my heels into your foot and make you cry out in pain. I hate that I feel like this about some of you but seriously, get a clue!

Here are my main issues with you guys, please stop all of this at once and we’ll get along just fine…=) I hope.

  • The Parking Spots.

Where did you guys get your damn driver’s licenses from? I mean seriously, how frickin’ hard is it to park your stupid dumb ass car in between the two white lines? I promise you, that there’s ample room in between both lines to park you stupid little piece of shit, Honda Accord without double parking into the next parking slot which I cannot park in now because your car takes up BOTH parking slots. And there are so many of you stupid asses that don’t know how to park, you with the bright lime green sports car? If you don’t know how to back your car into the parking slot, then…DON’T. Because now you’re in two parking slots instead of just one….and you, with the big ass 15 seater van, there’s a reason why the words COMPACT are printed in between the white lines, it’s for SMALL CARS which I can assure you, your car IS NOT.

Ugh.

  • Break Time.

Stop coming around me and my friends when we’re standing in the hallway shooting the breeze and casually looking at your watch like you’re trying to reprimand us for talking on company time, I don’t go walking around you and your friends when you take your 20 “15 minute” breaks during the day so you can smoke your cigarettes. My 1 break in the hallway doesn’t even come close to the amount of company time you waste in the parking lot puffing on your cigarettes, I don’t say anything about you and your 20 breaks, don’t say anything about how long I stand in the hallway and chat with my friends…especially since you’ll only catch me in the hallway about once or twice during the business day…you on the other hand are taking your how many is it now cigarette break and it’s only what time? Yeah, that’s what I thought…mind your business.

  • Making Popcorn in the Breakroom.

Gone are the days of pouring the kernels into the pop corn popper and placing the bowl under the popcorn popper where the popcorn would fall into. We live in a day and age where we have microwave popcorn, where all you gotta do is take off the plastic surrounding the popcorn bag and place the bag into the microwave and press POPCORN and then wah lah, the popcorn pops itself and you have one piping hot bag of great popcorn. It’s not so hard right? After all the Microwave in our break room comes supplied with it’s very own EASY BUTTON just like in all those Staples commercial, except ours doesn’t say EASY it says POPCORN…why then, is everyone in this office building burning popcorn? Do you guys smell the foul scent in the air? It’s another idiot burning the popcorn. How hard is it to press POPCORN and let the microwave do the rest? My sister and I poppped popcorn last week and all we did was press the popcorn button and we had great and burn odor free popcorn, seriously…you should just try it one day…just go on ahead and press popcorn, we’ll all thank you for it. *rolls eyes*

  • The Women’s Room.

I find it very bothersome when people make idle chit chat with me in the women’s room BEFORE I go to the bathroom…ummm, I need to use the bathroom and I’m going to pee on your shoes if you don’t shut the hell up and let me go to the bathroom in peace. If you want to talk to me, talk to me in my office or in the breakroom but not while I’m running into the bathroom, hopping from one foot to the other trying desperately NOT to pee on your shoes because I promise you, one of these days, I won’t care and just piss all over your new cutesy wedges.

Ugh.

And finally…

  • Shoes.

Whoever is walking around the hallway without their shoes on, PLEASE PUT THEM BACK ON! You’re not helping those of us who have to walk in the hallway and smell the feet funk you leave behind. I nearly fainted from how gross it smelled in the hallway and really, I’ve already got to battle the funk of the burnt popcorn, adding your feet funk is enough to kill me. I’m ’bout to get ghetto up in the office building because you guys just don’t seem to notice that there is a funk in the air around here that wasn’t there before so please…PLEASE, for the love of God, PUT THEM DAMN SHOES BACK ON THEM DAMN DOGS because if I find you, I will get the clownin’ and it won’t be pretty….

Please, if you can steer clear of these things, I’d be one happy camper and I would’t scowl so much in the hallways when you see me, alrighty? Thanks bunches!

Sincerely,
Rowena

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