Chance Strikes Again!

7 04 2007


Yesterday at Lunchtime, my nephew Chance, the same nephew that had that “accident” on the first day of school with the overflowing toilet? You remember him, right? If you don’t remember that blog then of you course you remember the Homerun Picture for the Little League with his zipper down, you’ve got to remember that one since it was just a little bit ago.

Well, that SAME nephew got pink slipped yesterday and received Saturday School for, get this…Sexual Harrassment.

The boy has had one shitty year, if you ask me but I’ve got to tell you what happened.

So yesterday, I’m emailing with the SF girls, I’m working on some closeouts when my office phone rings, my office phone always rings at 3:13pm because Chelsea and Chance are walking home from school and Chelsea has to fill me in on the days events at her Middle School.

Yesterday was no different.

I’m talking to Chelsea and she’s telling me about Tyler (her new crush) and who was coming to her party and how excited she was and blah blah blah when she goes, “AND guess what else? Chance has a Saturday School for Sexual Harassment!”

That brought me up short, so I ask, “What? What happened?”

She begins to tell me what I thought was one story but I guess I wasn’t paying attention because this was the story that I got from her phone call yesterday.

“Chance was sitting at lunch today with all of his little weenie friends and some girl was sitting next to him, singing ‘My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like, it’s better than yours, I can teach you but I’ll have to charge’ and Chance said, ‘Eww, who would drink their own milk?’ So then he goes to class and gets pulled out of class and sent to the principal’s office and that’s when they gave him Saturday School and a pink slip. He’s like shitting bricks right now.”

I can hear Chance moaning and groaning in the background, so first I started laughing. I asked to talk to him. He gets on the phone and the following conversation takes place.

Me: “So, did you say that to the girl?”
Chance: “NO! I wasn’t even talking to her.”
Me: “Then who were you talking to?”
Chance: “MYSELF! You know how I am. I was just listening and then I heard that part and I said, Ewww who would drink their own milk? and then the bell rang and we had to go to class. But I wasn’t talking to her and I didn’t even know what I did wrong. Was that wrong, Aunty? What did I do wrong? What does that have to do with anything? Holy crap my Dad is going to kill me and I don’t even know what I did.”
Me: Well, just be honest with your Dad, Chance. Don’t lie to him for anything, just tell them (his Mom and Dad) what you told me and I think you’ll be alright. I mean, it doesn’t even sound like you did anything wrong, especially if you weren’t talking to her and to yourself, which didn’t I tell you, you need to quit talking to yourself, see? But what I don’t understand is did they call your parents? If you got sent in for Sexual Harrassment, they have to call your parents.”
Chance: No, they didn’t tell me anything about my parents and Mom and Dad weren’t there.
Me: Well, I hope you’re alive when I get home but if not, it was nice knowing you.
Chance: Shut up Aunty Wena, I’m already scared.

I laughed at him and told him it wasn’t a big deal and just be honest with his parents and then he gave the phone back to Chelsea.

Chelsea starts going on and on about other things and by now she’s got me on speakerphone and she stops talking and says, “I think Chance is crying, Ween.”

I hear, Chance screech, “I’m NOT CRYING CHELSEA!” But you could totally hear the fear in his voice.

To which I say, “Yeah cause you’re too busy shitting bricks.”

He starts laughing, which is what I intended for him to do and then he says, “I hate you, Wena.” But there was too much love in his voice for me to take that too seriously so I told him to quit worrying and hope to high heaven that his Mom was home before his Dad got home, if he told his story to his Mom first, she would help him break the news to his Dad and then he’ll get a break, and then I said, “But what if your parents already know and they’re waiting for you at home?”

To which he was like, “STOP IT, JUST SHUT UP, I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

And we all laughed and I had seriously never looked forward to going home more. So when I get home, I get the real version, because I wasn’t listening.

Here it is in Chance’s words:

“I was sitting at lunch, listening to my ipod and I was singing that song Milkshake in my head, I didn’t sing it out loud because everyone knows I have a horrible voice and then it got to the part, where it says something about her milkshake brings all the girls to the yard and I can teach you but I have to charge and I mumbled beneath my breath, ‘Ewww, who would drink their own milk?’ and then the girl next to me said, ‘Eww that’s gross’ and then the next thing I know, I’m sitting in class and I get sent to the office and the principal says, I’m getting pink slipped and I have to go to Saturday School because I sexually harassed the girl sitting next to me. I don’t understand, what’s wrong with saying that?”

Seriously? I think that’s such a big crock of shit that Chance is getting in trouble for something that stupid, especially since worst things have been said at school, EVERYDAY. On top of all that, Chance was muttering to himself and THE SCHOOL DID NOT CALL THE PARENTS IN TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM AT SCHOOL. Sexual Harassment is a big deal, isn’t it? I mean, this shit is going to go on Chance’s school records and everyone that sees it will know that he sexually harrassed some stupid little piece of shit girl without even meaning to and THEY DIDN’T CALL HIS PARENTS IN TO DISCUSS IT? Wouldn’t something like that rank as a parent/principal thing?

After hearing Chance’s side of the story, my sister and her husband were mad but they want to talk to the girl and they want to talk to the Principal for not giving them any kind of call and only sending Chance home with a pink slip and Saturday School.

What’s really going on in the kids school these days? I mean, this reminds me of the Mormon kid who was getting mocked by her schoolmates about being Mormon, with them teasingly asking her how many Moms she had or was it Dads? I don’t remember, but they were mocking her religion and she says, “That’s so gay” and she gets suspended and the kids that were mocking her beliefs got NOTHING….

Shit like this makes me so effing mad. Holly, I owe you like a gazillion dollars for this post but meh, whatever.

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