…the everliving crap out of me about my coworkers, or one of them anyway.
So, I guess you can say that a lot of my co workers have been getting on my hot damn nerves lately and I spend a few minutes each day, sitting in my office fantasizing about slowly choking them to death. Okay, so I don’t do that because I’m a good Mormon girl but still, sometimes I just want to smack the crap out of some people that work here. So many people have been getting on my nerves lately that I need to vent it all out but goodness, I just want to trip some of them in the hallway…
1. Co Worker #1 – My issue with you is that everytime me and Nicole order something from the cafe for breakfast or for lunch without consulting with you first, you get all butt hurt and you throw a fit, so we make sure to never forget to ask you if you want something….but do you do the same for us? HELL NO, this morning when I couldn’t find you to ask you what you wanted, I wondered where you were, until I got to the cafe and found you scarfing down your breakfast, the breakfast you didn’t ask me and Nicole if we wanted…I could have thrown a fit the way you did, but I just rolled my eyes at you and said, “Enjoy your breakfast” even though I wanted you to choke on your egg. That would make it the like 12th time that you’ve done this without us..from now on, I dont’ want to hear lip about us forgetting you, you stupid fat heiffer!
2. Co Workers #2 – My issue with you stems from the fact that you yelled at me about the damn rug being crooked in the front lobby. If it bothered you so much, THEN FIX IT! If I’m answering phones, guiding people around to where they need to go and badging people, do you think I have time to walk around the front desk to FIX THE DAMN RUG that is bothering YOU…if you’re not going to fix it then shut up, close your eyes and go back to your office where you don’t have to see it, you dumb crackface!
3. Co Worker #3 – My issue with you stems from the fact that you can’t seem to read your emails correctly, therefore making you look like AN ASS because you swear that you know it all. When I logged in a ticket to have the display on my phone changed to my name instead of it saying “Contracts”, I expected, well my name to be changed. What I didn’t expect was for you to email everyone in the damn building, telling me that if I wanted my name changed that I would have to change it myself, I wasn’t expecting you to give me directions on how to change my voice mail recording since THAT WASN’T WHAT I NEEDED CHANGED and if you had read your emails correctly, I wouldnt’ have had to email you back letting your know it all ass know that you read my email wrong and that the help that I needed wasn’t to change my voice mail recording but to change the actual display on my phone, you know, the display that YOU CONTROL, you dumb broad..read the whole email first before you start sending emails to every Tom, Dick and Jane, you don’t start nothing, there won’t be nothing…see?
4. Co Worker #4 – My issue with you is that you seem to be so butt hurt that I took over the support of some of your peeps, I’m taking trainings to take on more responsibilities and that doesn’t bother me, what bothers me is that you’re so unwilling to help me even though our boss has practically commanded you to. It’s like, you don’t want me to succeed any more than you have. It’s not my fault that I was hired on permenantly 90 days after I started working here where it took you almost 4 years, it’s also not my fault that everyone likes me more than you, that’s just the way of the world sometimes, just deal with it…and stop being an ass because, you holding me off on the stuff you’re supposed to be helping me with makes me want to one up you each and everytime and from now on, I’m going to the Company Angel for all the help that I need, my sister and when she finishes training me, you’re gonna wish she hadn’t because then I’m gonna take EVERYONE away from you and where will you be then? You dirty sneaky tramp.
5. Co Worker #5 – My issue with you is that you’re forever taking off and asking me to sit at my desk and answer your bosses phone calls. Hello? I’m not going to sit at my desk forever just so that you can go to lunch with your friends, that’s your job, if I’ve gotta get up and make copies or deliver faxes then I’m gonna do it, I’m not going to wait until you come back from your 2 hour lunch to do it and I don’t appreciate you asking me to. You’re not the boss of me and I do what I want, so if you want someone to sit at their desk to do YOUR work, then find someone else because I’m not going to do it anymore…do your own dirty work you stupid good for nothing punk, you’re not above me or anyone else here, so quit walking around like your Caroline from that OutKast song, cause I know you like to think your sh*t don’t stink, but lean a little bit closer and roses really smell like doo doo doo ….just like you.
6. Co Worker #6 – My issue with you is that you’re extremely fake. If you don’t want to talk to me, then don’t. My day will go on, my life will go on because I don’t give a rats ass about you. I’m nice to everyone because I want to be, not because I feel like I have to be…so if you don’t want to talk, then just don’t…your fakeness makes me want to smack the ugly off of you.
7. Co Worker #7 – My issue with you is you don’t not wear shoes. You run around the office building with no shoes. I don’t want to see your crusty feet or smell your feet funk, I’ve blogged about this before and I have seen this happening more frequently in the past weeks, PUT YOUR DAMN SHOES ON OR I’M GONNA HIT YOU WITH THEM, what is wrong with you anyway???
8. Co Worker #8 – My issue with you is you ask me stupid questions everyday. The other day when you saw me in the hallway upstairs and asked me what I was doing up there, like I had no business upstairs since I always see you downstairs when I’m manning the front desk, yeah it was stupid…Umm, I don’t know, maybe I’m up here because I WORK HERE. I guess, I wouldn’t have taken offense to the question if you were merely curious but you seemed shocked that I would dare show my face upstairs, WHERE I WORK and it brought me up short and it made me even more mad when you were quizzing me on what exactly I do up here. Your question, “You, work here like for this company? I thought you just answered phones downstairs.” Oh really? You stupid jerk and I thought you were only a little bit ugly, now I know better…fag.
9. Co Worker #9 – My issue with you is that you’re a meanie person. You think you’re so superior to everyone else because you’re a Facilities Manager. Well let me clue you into a little secret sweets, NOBODY LIKES YOU IN THE BUILDING. You think you’re so cute and so nice but really, you’re just an old lady who orders office supplies, quit worrying about what the hell we’re doing and go order some post its or something, the coffee machine is leaking so go fix that…and stay out of Contracts business.
10. Co Worker #10 – My issue with you is that you talk too much. Before I walked into your office, I heard you talking about my sister, I asked you what you said and you said nothing, that it wasn’t important then I told you, alright just making sure you’re not speaking ill of my sister since she’s the best damn Admin in this whole damn building and that the only reason you’d have to talk about her was that you heard that your boss wants her as his Admin, therefore replacing YOU, jealousy doesn’t look cute sweetie so quit it….and my sister doesn’t care what you say anyway since she’s happy with her life which is more than you can say.
11. Co Worker #11 – My issue with you is that always leave your dirty dishes in the sink, hello??? When I want to go and rince out my plate, I don’t want to have to wash your dishes too but since I can’t rinse my plate without all of your salad bowl crap making the water go everywhere, I have to wash your crap too! Wash your crap yourself and quit leaving dirty dishes around for everyone to wash around…you dork!
12. Co Worker #12 – Since you’re last day is tomorrow, I’m going to go real easy on you and just say this, STOP COMPLAINING SO MUCH IN THE HALLWAY AND MORE PEOPLE WILL SMILE AT YOU…nobody likes a negative Nancy.
13. Co Worker #13 – I hate parking in the parking lot because nobody knows how to park, I’ve said this before but I’ve gotta say it again, WHERE DO YOU GUYS GET YOUR FRICKIN LICENSES FROM? HOW DID YOU PASS????
Ugh, can you tell that I’m just a little bit irritated with my co workers? I promise next week, no matter what I’m going to count my many blessings and name them one by one, I promise!!