The other day I posted about something that I saw on my google reader blog hop. I posted about seeing a blog with a woman who was planning to kill herself in 90 days. She called herself, 90 Day Jane.
Well turns out she was full of crap…not that I wanted her to kill herself or anything, because I totally didn’t…I just didn’t think that kind of blog was in any way humurous or anything. I mean, she said that she wasn’t looking for attention and she wasn’t depressed, this blog wasn’t a cry for help…it was actually an art project or whatever.
Here’s what she had to say on her blog before she scrapped the entire blog:
90DayJane is a personal art piece about me. It was meant for me and
(what I ignorantly thought would be) a small number of people who
might find it on BlogSpot. It is the result of me tapping into the
darkest part of myself and seeing where it led.
What I have written and filmed, at its core, is from a place of truth.
I am the girl in the videos. I have great disappointment with my
generation and its obvious obsession with celebrity culture rather
than their fellow man, thus the former Chuck Palahniuk reference.
I wanted this blog to be about personal discovery and truth. But the
correspondences I have received have taught me more about those
qualities than I could ever express. 90DayJane has become its own
entity and has influenced me. In fact, it has changed my perspective
as a human being.
I feel a massive sense of responsibility to my art, but more
importantly the readers of this blog. My closeness to this project
must have made art seem like reality to many people. That is not a
reaction that I expected nor can I morally justify. This is why my
project, 90DayJane, will be taken down in the next few hours.
90DayJane was meant to mirror the tragic figure, Christine Chubbuck.
Newscaster Christine Chubbuck committed suicide in 1974 by shooting
herself in the head live on air. She was very vocal about her
depression to those around her and gave every indication of her exact
intentions leading up to the event. Sadly, no one reacted or helped
Christine and those left behind could only ask “why”.
Her story both inspired and terrified me because I can truly empathize
with her rage and even her isolation. I wondered how Christine’s life
and subsequent suicide would play out in our time. Would the internet
be yet another place of isolation to her or an escape? If she remained
vocal about her intentions would anyone bother asking “why” or even
noticing before the fact? Would the reaction (if any) of the public
change her intentions?
I thought this mirror might reflect the isolation everyday people feel
and the lack of true human connection on the internet.
It is my feeling that the internet is the best and worst example of
human interaction. This was painfully proven to me by reading every
comment and every email. I believe I owed that to everyone. I know we
all saw the dark side of the reactions in the blog comments. There was
so much hate, immaturity and apathy. But, I truly wish everyone could
see the beauty and honesty in the emails; many people feel like Jane
(me). People have been more real and heartfelt than I thought was
possible. I owe them a debt of gratitude for showing me the difference
between people’s reactions and their true feelings. I understand.
I do want everyone to know that I accepted no money for 90DayJane
despite multiple offers from television, film, books, etc… I will
not release my identity and I ask not to be contacted for any type of
promotion. I want only for the people who wrote to me to know that I
hear them and feel the same way. Your emails touched me so much.
Please, share your thoughts with someone in your life or express them
in a positive way.
To everyone, please reach out to those around you. It’s much harder to
ask for help than to offer it.
In the video above I created a PostSecret revealing this project for
what it is. I am in no way affiliated with them, but their site does
great work for suicide outreach. At any rate, PostSecret gives me both
strength and perspective whenever I read it. I hope it does the same
The stuff people will blog about these days.